It was our second date. We were walking along the deserted path of the park. He was holding me around my waist, pulling me close to him. It felt like the whole world stopped. The only real thing was what we felt for each other, our energies syncing together. The rain began to spatter, but we were laughing as we ran to hide under a tree. He took off his jacket and placed it on top of the wet grass. We sat down and stared at each other. Our lips touched for the very first time and I forgot myself under the branches of our love tree. Nothing could stop us from being happy. Nothing?
Fast forward 8 years and I’m single again. I’m alone in this world. He gave up on our love and on us. He betrayed me. I fought until the very last second, fought for the both of us, but it wasn’t enough. I was always trying to be the best girlfriend, even when I didn’t feel like it, without realizing that I was digging my own grave.
– He would always tell me, “You’re so cute.” I never really liked this compliment, I wanted to be sexy, not cute.
– I had a distinct feeling of guilt every time he was in a bad mood. I thought it was my fault and that I needed to make him happy.
– I considered it necessary to talk, discuss problems and work on our relationship and he was just tired of talking all the time.
– I ALWAYS put my boyfriend (well, ex-boyfriend) first. Turns out, it was not a good thing.
– His friend once told me, “You’re too good for him.” I took it as a compliment. Silly, silly me.
He broke things off. That night my world shattered to pieces. Over a year later and I’m still hurting. I never had the courage to admit to my friends or relatives how hurt I really was by this breakup and tried to play it cool. I was going crazy analyzing every single thing I ever said and trying to figure out what went wrong. I was so bitter and so down. That’s when I resorted to online bullying. I am so ashamed of my actions and I know that I can never undo what I have done, but I genuinely am sorry for all the horrible things I’ve said to people.
Today I am still hurt, but at least I know that in my next relationship I will be smarter. I have learned my lesson.
– Nobody wants a selfless partner. I need to have an essence and love myself.
– I need to learn to receive as much as I give.
– I need to stop trying to be perfect all the time and just be myself.
There’s a big difference between “being good for others” and “being good for yourself.” We all need to choose the second one more often.
Main photo cred – Weheartit