Marriage… it’s like a walk in the park. Jurassic Park.
We all like to think of a marriage as a life-long reward for a relationship well chosen. The hard part is finding the right person, the easy part is enjoying a life with them, right? No. The truth is that marriage is work sometimes. As it should be. It’s a committed, close relationship between two people with the aim of spending a life together. If you want to keep it beautiful, you need to expect it to get ugly sometimes.
You need to decide where your priorities lie
In today’s climate of political correctness, it can be very dangerous for anyone to assume that their priorities matter more than someone else’ especially when it comes to the career. But though it’s not necessarily accurate to always suggest that a man’s career is more important than a woman’s, you have to decide for the couple whose career the focus will be on.
If someone has to scale back their hours to look after a growing family, whose will it be? How many kids do you want in the first place? Do you have an idea of where you want to live? You need to choose some real priorities for the long-term plans of livelihood and lifestyle, and this might sometimes mean hashing out in detail the pros and cons, and it will very often mean some compromise is involved.
It won’t work if you can’t communicate
Key to the point made above, if you’re still at the stage where you’re playing games, assuming he should know automatically what you’re thinking or that you should be “treating him mean to keep him keen”, you are not ready to be in a committed relationship. There are so many real potential conflicts and issues that a lack of communication is more than an oversight, it’s a huge red flag for a relationship. Learn to communicate or the marriage will face the consequences immediately.
Things can get rocky
If you’re honest with one another and you plan like a team, you can avoid some of the major issues in a marriage. But you probably won’t avoid all of them. Relationships can have difficulty, but you don’t have to fall into the modern habit of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. Stay committed, find forgiveness if you can, and use services like Sam Nabil Counseling Services that can help you get back on the right track.
Too many people treat marriage like it’s disposable nowadays. Just because it’s easy to divorce doesn’t mean it’s the option worth taking. Relationships can be repaired with enough attention and they almost always come out stronger on the other side when they are.
You need your own life
A marriage is a shared life, but you have to be able to live your half of it when you’re on your own. Expect your spouse to do the same. You have to be comfortable indulging yourself in your hobbies, passion, or work while they’re doing the same, or be able to spend time alone.
A strong couple can stay strong no matter how much distance is between them physically and emotionally. A marriage doesn’t complete you as a person. If you need your partner to be with you all the time to feel “whole”, you are indulging in an unhealthy pattern.
The points above aren’t there to scare you about marriage. Work on it and the vast majority of the time, it’s going to be that close-knit devotion and love that you hope it can be. But if you don’t give it work when it needs work, you will get further and further from that ideal.
Main photo cred – Weheartit