I remember writing this post titled “Things I hate about dating and relationships in Canada” (that I don’t 100% agree with today, you can read my new life perspective here) and I’m still getting feedback to it, that article went viral all over the world.
One of the things that really stands out to me is women who are disgusted with my “femininity” and say that they don’t need anyone to open doors for them or hold their grocery bags. They even go as far as saying that they would rather hold the door open for their boyfriends instead. This frustrates me so much, I don’t even know where to begin.
What’s wrong with femininity exactly? Women are so afraid of looking “weak,” they go out of their way to prove the opposite. One female reader comments, “I can open my own door!” – but of course you can! If you let your man open the door for you, it doesn’t mean that you can’t do it yourself. It means you allow your partner to take care of you, to spoil you with his little gestures – you make him feel needed and by saying, “Thank you!” after he holds the door open for you, he also feels appreciated. It’s such a beautiful and simple gesture, I just don’t understand why it would get so many people furious.
Matthew Hussey, a British human dynamics coach, explains in one of his videos that there are three types of women and I couldn’t have put it better myself.
The weakest woman is the one who says, “I need everything done for me! Help me!” She is the victim-type female who needs constant care and reassurance. Independence is definitely not her forté. A level above her is the woman that says, “I don’t need anyone to help me, I can do it myself!” A level above that is, “I know I can do it myself, but it’s a lot of fun when someone else does it!”
You see, actively fighting to do everything yourself is a form of weakness. Why? Because it’s primarily a self-validation attempt by showing how strong you are to other people or to your partner. A truly strong woman doesn’t need to exert that, she doesn’t need to prove how strong she is to anyone. A really strong woman knows that she’s strong and can allow herself to be feminine without feeling like a victim.
It doesn’t make you strong to hold men at arm’s length and scream how much you don’t need them. Whether you like it or not, men love to feel needed. Give your man this privilege and witness how your life will start to change. Your partner will feel empowered, he will start to feel like a man around you.
I know so many women who complain about men not being “manly” enough these days. Guess what? If you want a “manly” man by your side, then embrace your femininity, don’t be afraid of it – it won’t make you weak. Otherwise, you’re reading the wrong article.
In fact, the world should stop associating femininity to weakness. You can allow your man to open the door for you, yet make more or just as much money as him. You can allow your man to help you carry your grocery bags, yet be more or just as physically fit as him. Femininity is powerful! Stop emasculating men already by making them feel useless around you.
Women who need to prove how strong they are by rejecting any acts of chivalry are ruining it for the rest of women who actually appreciate these things. And, unfortunately, those modern-day feminists who love to do everything themselves are much more socially active and loud. They have strong opinions and are more often found somewhere on stage screaming out nonsense. So the rest of women with, for lack of a better word, more “old-school” mentalities, start to question their own existence, “Is it even normal to be feminine nowadays? Am I living my life right?”
One of my female readers called me a “high maintenance princess.” I can see how this label would make women want to repress their femininity and try to blend in with the rising trend of new-age feminists. If letting your man open the door for you qualifies as “high maintenance princess,” then hell yes, I’m that! You should try it too, it’s fun.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against feminism in its proper form. Let’s recall what feminism is – it’s the advocacy of women’s rights on the ground of the equality of the sexes. Letting your partner open the door for you should not make you feel any less equal to him. Seriously, girls, come on!
As sad as it is, at the current moment, feminism is still a very “fresh” concept that’s not fully established yet. Consequently, the modern feminist movement is being rather extremist. It’s a common occurrence for any “new” idea that’s being integrated into a society. Just like a small puppy who has to bark really loud to scare the big dogs. I can’t wait for feminism to grow into something big and beautiful!
Yes, gender inequalities are still very present today, however, it’s not by teaching our daughters to reject all chivalry gestures that we will fix these issues. Teach them that they can be both: feminine AND strong! Now that’s real feminism.
Being feminine is not a torturous act, it feels good – give it a try even if it doesn’t come natural to you. It’s not like you need to go out of your way to let your man spoil you with little gestures, just let him do it, it’s so easy. I promise, you’ll get into it!