About two years ago, when I was just starting out as a blogger, I wrote an interesting post titled “Things I Hate About Dating And Relationships In Canada.” It got plenty of feedback both good and bad. Well, today, I can finally see how uninformed I was when I wrote that article.
If you follow me on social media, you’re well aware of how drastically my life has changed in the last year. I met the love of my life, Dave, who’s helped me understand myself and my destructive behavioural patterns. He’s helped me change for the better and realize that I deserve to be loved. Long story short, now that I’m in a healthy relationship and with a clear mind, I can actually tell you what happened to chivalry and “real” men.
The answer is – “real” men and chivalry still exist! They didn’t disappear from Montreal or from Canada or from the face of the earth. The real issue is – us, women. Let me explain.
There is an ever-growing number of women who keep being attracted to men that lack ambition, that refuse to take any sort of responsibility for their own actions or that are, as women on social media like to label them, “fuckboys.”
Why would a beautiful, successful, smart woman be attracted to the “wrong” type of men? The answer is quite simple. More often than not, these women were raised in dysfunctional families, where their fathers failed to portray what it means to be a “real” man.
Perhaps their mothers took the leader’s position inside their family and emasculated their dad, who consequently turned to alcohol as a solution. Some were raised by single mothers who failed to teach their daughters what a genuine man-woman relationship should be like. The fact of the matter is, something went wrong in their childhood.
I invite every woman who is having problems with meeting the “right” man to look into her parents’ relationship or the lack of thereof. A child’s brain registers every single input that’s portrayed to them by their parents and classifies it as “love.” So if your dad was never home because he was busy making money to support your family, as a grown woman, you will inevitably feel attracted to men who don’t give you too much attention, since, in your mind, love = lack of attention.
As a result, women from these, for a lack of a better word, dysfunctional families, will simply not know how to interact with “real” men when they do come across one. If a girl was never taught how a “real” man is supposed to treat a woman, then she won’t budge even if an army of “real” men will come knocking on her door.
She will be scared and confused; they’re not something she’s been programmed to interact with. The only type of men that this woman will actually notice and feel comfortable around are those who remind her of her father in one way or another. Consequently, because of this “narrow vision” phenomenon, she will be inclined to say, “All men are the same, they all want one thing.”
The same strategy works for men as well. I hear a lot of men say things like, “All women want is money, they’re all gold diggers.” It all makes sense when you think about it: their mothers were probably very money-hungry and any income dad would make was never enough. As a result, the little boy who grew up with a money-hungry mom will only choose partners who remind him of her. Does it mean that ALL women are gold diggers? Of course not, but he will never notice women who aren’t money-hungry.
The truth is, we’re all trying to find partners, friends, colleagues whose psycho-types are familiar to us, those who we’ve “already met” in our childhood. Why? Because we understand their character, manner of talking and dealing with things… they’re easier to adapt to.
You know that feeling when you just met someone new and it seems like you’ve known each other forever? Instant connection. Well, it only means that someone who you grew up with in your past shares very similar characteristics with the person you just met.
If we come across people who don’t trigger any memories from our past, we’ll simply ignore them or, in some cases, even fear them, because it’s a basic human instict to fear the unknown. In the same way, we’re incapable of being attracted to the unknown, unless, of course we seek professional help or do a lot of self-analysis and strive for self-improvement.
To conclude, we all owe one thing to ourselves: look at the model of your parents’ relationship and ask yourself this, “Do I want a family like theirs?” If the answer is “no,” then you’ll need to do some serious introspection in order to change your programmed behavioral patterns.