Dave and I went to Vietnam for our honeymoon. It’s such an amazing country! Food is incredible (pho soups and banh mi sandwiches, what’s up!), people are extremely nice, things are super cheap (cheaper than Thailand actually) and massages are… intense!
On our first day in Ho Chi Minh City, we decided to explore our surroundings by walking around with a map in hand, just like real tourists do. Our hotel was located in the heart of downtown (message me if you’re heading to Vietnam soon, I’ll give you the name of our hotel, it’s amazing!), so there were a lot of things to see – and eat – in our area.
We pretty much spent the entire day walking and eating. If you follow me on Instagram (@irina_tee), you probably saw everything in my Insta story. Vietnam is so unique – it has a very pronounced personality as a country.
Anyway, I want to get to the point. We were walking all day and were exhausted by the evening, so we decided to get a nice foot massage right across the street from our hotel. The place looked pretty clean and it was about $20 per person for 90 minutes, so we were like, “Yeeeees, pleaaaaase!”
We get to the door of the massage place and a lovely Vietnamese lady asks us if we want the standard foot massage or the one that comes with a bonus of hot stones and “a little bit of upper body massage.” The one with the bonus only cost about $2-3 dollars extra, so we were like, “Sure, let’s do the one with hot stones, whatever.”
She escorts us into a small room and hands us a blue outfit that consists of an oversized pair of shorts and a t-shirt, à la Kanye West. It’s already interesting, you need to wear an outfit for a massage, ok.
Next, they take us to this dark room and make us sit in the world’s most comfiest chairs. I swear, that chair felt like a cloud. They put some sort of cucumber mask on our faces and proceeded to massaging our feet. The massage was great, just what I needed. A good scrub, pressure points, blah blah blah, you know, all the standard foot massage thingies.
Then, the fun(?) part begins. The lady presses a button on my chair and it reclines, transforming itself into a bed. She goes, “Turn around on your stomach.” So I think, “Ok, cool, I guess the hot stones are coming.” She then slides my oversized t-shirt up and off my body and pulls my shorts along with my panties down. Like, REALLY down. My butt cheeks are on full display at this point, basically.
I keep thinking to myself, “Do I tell her something or do I let it go?” Then I feel the hot stones pressed against my booty, it feels kind of nice, so I went with it. She spends a good 10-15 minutes massaging my butt cheeks. Have you ever had your butt cheeks massaged? It actually feels pretty great. I got comfortable with the idea that my butt is literally in the air. Who knows, maybe it’s a Vietnamese thing? The lady seems like she knows what she’s doing.
She then gets on top of me with her knees and cracks my back a couple of times. Ouch! But a good kind of ouch. I get back massage with hot stones for another half an hour (maybe?), yes please. Then she asks me to turn around again. What for though?
So I turn around, I’m on my back now. I pull the towel that was on my hips all the way up to my armpits to hide my goodies. She starts massaging my head, then my neck, then goes down to my breast and starts rubbing it over the towel. I tell her, “No, it’s ok!” She goes, “Sorry, sorry!” but still continues for another couple of seconds (wtf?) then goes on to rub my stomach.
I feel super awkward at this point and ask myself, “Am I weird for telling her to stop? Maybe it’s a normal procedure?” Anyway, the massage is over, I thank my therapist and turn to Dave (he was on the chair next to me the entire time) to ask him if his butt cheeks also got massaged. He answers no! So I guess I’m the only one who got all kinds of massage action that day.
What an experience – I feel violated, but in a nice and relaxed kind of way LOL.